I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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