he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
