I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
