matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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