I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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