I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
