did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
