don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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