made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
