Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
