wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
