Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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