I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
