apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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