We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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