She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
