matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
