did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
