I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
