She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
