Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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