I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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