is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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