cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
