the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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