I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's just like the Real World with babies
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
