Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
