i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the raccoons are back...
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