I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
