note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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