Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
