He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
