I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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