Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
