Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
