He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
