I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
