he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need a beard to bite.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
