I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
