Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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