why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Please, let me fuck your mom
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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