If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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