yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
