so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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