The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit