i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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