Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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