I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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