What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
