what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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