remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
