kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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