Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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