drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
