How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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