he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
