idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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