Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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