The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more