I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.