Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.