They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
