Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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