Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.