I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
