I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio