you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
