She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
