your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
