the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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