every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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