life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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