when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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