you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
