So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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