you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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