plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
