I'm jealous of your bromance
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Someone signed my nipple.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
