yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
