I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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