I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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