it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
