Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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