Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
