she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
