Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
