i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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